Making a Come Back

Today, I begin a new beginning. 

My life has been a series of ups and downs. There are good days and bad days,  good times and bad times. I had a good long stretch of doing very well and being very successful at making a change in my life, but somehow I always manage to self-sabotage. I get to a place where I'm finally starting to make strides in getting my health back and I just completely lose it... Why do I do this??? I decided to do some research and found this article on self-sabotage to be really helpful. I'm the kind of person who likes to be in control of all situations and my health is one area where I never feel like I'm in control. I went so far as to develop an eating disorder in high school just to feel like I had control over it. I self-sabotage because failure in this area is familiar and it's comfortable. I've coped with failure for years... Success on the other hand.. that's new. Success is unfamiliar and it's scary and I always seem to feel like it's only a matter of time before I fail.. so I usually just find some way to tear down my accomplishments and revert back to my old ways so that I don't have to "prolong the inevitable."

I'm ready to shift my thought process this time. I'm going to stay current here with my progress so that I have something to ground me to my commitment. It's a never-ending process, but I'm so proud of myself for never giving up. Even when I'm down, I just keep fighting to move forward. That's such an important shift in my focus from before. I used to think that if I failed, I had failed and there was no going back. Now, I realize that success is in the ability to get back up and try again after you have failed. You can choose to be defined by your failures or you can choose to be defined by your courage in continuing to pursue the goals you've set for yourself despite your failures. That choice is completely up to you. Are you going to make a come back? Or are you going to accept defeat? 

For a long time, I've been watching The Biggest Loser on NBC and I've loved the stories and the people on the show are so inspiring. I always thought it would eventually give me the motivation I needed, but I never found a character that I could really and truly relate to. This season, there was a girl named Danni. She was beautiful, even though she was overweight, and I could see so much of myself in her. Insecure, scared, and somewhat lonely. Early on in the season, she lost all of her teammates and she was left fighting for her spot on the Biggest Loser ranch completely alone. She could have just given up completely and decided to accept defeat, but what happened next was one of the most inspiring come back stories in Biggest Loser history. Danni rose to the occasion. She fought like her life depended on it and she not only won almost every single challenge as a solo competitor, she managed to keep her spot on the ranch by just a hair at every single weigh in. She hung on by the skin of her teeth, pushed herself beyond what she thought she was capable of, and went on to win the entire show. Her transformation is incredible and her story resonated in me. I've always believed I could be an athlete, but I just resign myself to being a pretty, but heavy girl. I don't want to just be that girl who's comfortable being invisible; I want to be the girl I believe I am inside!

Today, I'm challenging myself to rise to the occasion and overcome my failures. Today, I'm writing my come back story and I challenge you to do the same. It's never too late for change and I'm determined to prove to myself that I can do it. 

First thing I'm going to do to jump start this new goal is to give up something I love... Fast Food. I'm busy constantly and I turn to something fast so that I don't need to put any extra effort into my life to prepare something... Not anymore. If I need something fast, I will go to the grocery store and get a salad. No excuses. This is going to be tough, but I'm ready. I'm mentally ready and I'm determined to find success and revel in it... Who's with me??

Training for the Goal

I'm a runner. I'm a runner because I've been running every day for a week straight. 

Is this really true? Are you "something" because you just started doing it?  Can you decide that you are a painter by painting one picture? Or decide you are a musician because you played the guitar for five minutes?

I'm sure those who are reading this right now who actually are runners, painters, or musicians would say a huge resounding "NO!" Why is this? What makes you "something?"

Dedication. Time invested. Passion.

You can't have all of that stuff if you've barely begun doing something. It's just not possible. So what CAN you say? Can you say that you are "practicing" to BECOME  runner? or BECOME a painter? or BECOME a musician? ABSOLUTELY! You aren't something just because you say you are. You're something because you've put in the time and effort and dedication to it.

This year I have decided to improve my fitness by running and working out. I've have been run/walking at least a mile every day for the past week. It's been a struggle and a challenge since day one, but I'm training hard. My goal is to eventually run a 5K, which is roughly about 3.5 miles. The rec center where I have been running at has an amazing track on the top floor. The first day was really discouraging. I ran one lap and was winded and out of breath and quite frankly I wanted to just throw in the towel right then and say "I'm no good at this! How could I possibly get any better?!?"

I didn't though. I walked a lap and then ran a lap and continued in that fashion for about 8 laps. I believed firmly that each lap was a quarter mile and as the week progressed I was able to go from one lap to two laps and today, a week later, I ran four consecutive laps in a row. I was absolutely elated. I felt such a HUGE sense of accomplishment and was so happy I almost cried.

Then I found out from a member of the staff that one lap...was only 1/8th of a mile. My poor little heart just sank and that feeling of accomplishment started to dwindle. I had worked so hard!

I had lost sight of the fact that I was IMPROVING by HUGE strides. Even though it wasn't a mile, in one week I went from running one very winded and exhausted lap to running four consecutive laps without feeling winded at all. That's a major accomplishment and I'm still training. Just because I've worked at running for a little bit doesn't mean that I'm going to become a runner overnight! I have to put in the time and effort and dedication first.